Spring Cleaning

Good riddance to February with its chaos of illness, injuries, heavy post-holiday workload, seriousness, stress, deaths, disappointments and chilly-winter-blahs. Buh-bye! Don't let the door hit ya on the way out!

I'm throwing my hopeful arms around the neck of March with its silly daffodiles, energetic weather, and greening motivation.

Oh Lord, it's soooooo time for some spring cleaning. Along with peering under the bed for dust bunnies and cookie crumbs, I've been holding my dreams and hopes up to the light for a closer inspection. I've successfully sorted through the mental clutter and organized these dreams into neat piles labeled: "Discard," "Needs attention" and "Later."

I've been very impatient with this last group. Those "Later" dreams sure are taking their sweet time to blossom! After all, I planted the seeds of hope, invested time caring for them and have looked forward to their arrival. I've even tried to rush things along and inevitably been disappointed by the resulting false starts. So, I've decided to stop fretting over them. What those dreams really need is some gestation time, not me worriedly poking at them and whispering, "Hurry up."

Beside, some dreams may be empty promises that never materialize. Or they may not be what I really want or need. Or they may appear in a different version than what I envisioned. Who knows what will happen?

So, I will be patient. I will detach. I will get busy with other priorities-- like spring cleaning. I will create space for new opportunities to flourish at this moment.

Fruit Salad

There's no deep metaphor here, folks. No "Life is a bowl of cherries" crap. Because it's been THAT KIND OF A WEEK, and I am operating at the most BASIC levels tonight, this posting is going to be about...

The Yummy Kick-Ass Fruit Salad I Threw Together Tonight.

I should have been at schule. In fact, it's been three weeks now that I've missed services and I'm convinced my rabbi is gonna kick my tuckus. But maybe she'll make an exception when she tastes this...

Yummy Kick-Ass Fruit Salad I Threw Together Tonight.

What makes it special? Well, I went shopping at Whole Foods-- because we all know Whole Foods is THE place to go when you're feeling out-of-sorts-- so perhaps it was the Whole Foods crunchy, organic vibe emmanating from the fruit aisle ("Hug a fruit hug a fruit hug a fruit"). Or maybe it was the zen-like meditative process by which I selected the fruits ("Strawberries are on sale! And don't kiwis cure cancer??"). Or could it be the rainbow color scheme and the fresh lime juice-and-mint combo?

I don't know the answer. But I do know that you gotta make this very happy, hope-in-a-bowl, healthy salad NOW.

Here's the recipe:

1 carton strawberries
1 carton blueberries
1 apple, peeled
1 kiwi, peeled
1 orange, peeled
1/2 lime (juice only, squeezed over apple)
some spearmint leaves

Wash and slice up fruit. Toss in a bowl. Squeeze lime juice over salad. Chop mint and add. Done! Store in a tightly covered container.

Let me know what you think and have a great weekend!

"Complaining is a sign of helplessness. And you, my dear, are certainly NOT helpless." -- Carol Evans

I've known Carol since we were colleagues in Germany 10 years ago. She is the kind of friend I could call in the middle of the night if I ever needed help...nevermind that she would probably sleep through the ringer-- I could DO it, gosh darn it! :-P Anyway, she said the above quote to me years ago as my marriage (unbeknownst to me) was devolving into a series of red flags. I knew I wasn't being treated in a fair or loving way, but I didn't know how to make it stop. Instead of acting to get out of a bad situation, I was stuck in reacting mode.

What an empowering thing Carol said to my then naive, 20-something self: Quit whining, trust your gut and save yourself. I love her for that. She gave me permission to believe in my intuition, put my needs first, and reach for the unknown, even if it meant risking the loss of what was familiar and comfortable. And as I did, I set in motion the events that would begin this interesting, joyous journey as I see my life now.

The point is this: If there's smoke, there's probably fire. If it feels bad, it probably is. Yes, we need to examine and own our role in perpetuating a situation, but there's never an excuse to accept less than what we hope for and deserve in all areas of our life-- career, love, family, health, friendship. Are you happy? Trust your answer. Trust yourself.

Walking Puzzle Pieces

The following was distributed by Mitch, my amazing instructor, during the Derech Torah class I took this past year. I love it. Maybe you will, too. It just so eloquently expresses how I feel about all the ordinary and extraordinary people that we come across in our lifetime and reminds me of our responsibility to each other. I'm planning a painting based this passage. It was written by Larry Kushner in his book, Honey From The Rock:

"There must have been a time when you entered a room, met someone and after a while you understood that unknown to either of you there was a reason you had met. You had changed the other, or they changed you. By some word or deed or just by your presence the errand had been completed. Then perhaps you were a little bewildered or humbled and grateful. And it was over.

Each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. For some there are more pieces. For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble. Some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle. And so it goes - Souls going this way and that, trying to assemble the myriad parts.

But know this: No one has within themselves ALL the pieces to their puzzle, like the days before, when they sealed jigsaw puzzles in cellophane, insuring that all the pieces were there. Everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else’s puzzle. Sometimes they know it. Sometimes they don’t.

And when you present your piece, which is worthless to you, to another, whether you know it or not, whether they know it or not, you are a Messenger from the Most High."

"I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." -- Vincent Van Gogh

Hurrah for love!!!!! And not just romantic love.

I'm talking about friend love, niece/nephew love, parental love, self love, pet love, neighbor love, everything-bagel-with-salmon-cream-cheese love... love, love, love in all its crazy forms. So much has been written about this simple word and complicated concept. I have no new insights, but here are a few things on my mind as Valentine's Day approaches:

1) Some of my favorite Valentine's Days have been spent with gal-pals, dishing the dirt over a dinner of red wine and chocolate cake. Try it. You'll like it. Distributing photocopies of your smacker and Hershey's kisses is also entertaining.

2) My two friends who just lost a father and brother respectively. It reminds me that we should love the people in our life fiercely, and be grateful for our time together. Even difficult people have lessons to teach us.

That's it. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day! xoxo G.

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." -- Nelson Mandela

Do you remember filling out your college application and getting to that age-old essay question: "Besides a family member, who inspires you and why? Explain their influence on you in 147 words or less."

In retrospect, I should have responded, "Myself, because I am terse." But, I mean, UGH. I barely knew who I was at 18, much less had made any life decisions inspired by somebody's example.

Well, the good news is that I managed to write a convincing essay and got into college. In the meantime, I've met many inspiring people who I am fortunate enough to call friends. I wish I could include everybody's name and why I think they are amazing people. But, as I am discovering as I write this post, that would make for a very loooooooooong read.

So, indulge me in a short paragraph to pay tribute to them:

Yay, new mommies!
Yay, seasoned moms!
Yay, married gal-pals being awesome wives!
Yay, single gal-pals living out loud!!
Yay, married guy-pals being awesome husbands!
Yay, single guy-pals doing your own thang!!

I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU ALL!! YOU INSPIRE ME! THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE!!

Inspiring people light the way for our own journeys into the discovery of our own potential. During the past year, I've been blessed with becoming friends with several think-outside-the-box, anything-is-possible people. Just by being themselves, they let me glimpse a different way of living and working, as well as kindled desire to explore my own ideas and dreams.

First, there's Michelle Abeyta, super-cool painter/web designer/business owner and awesome person. Here's a woman who is single-handedly raising two kiddos and two pooches, running an ever-expanding business, and finding love and happiness on her own healthy terms. How we met and became friends is a strange story with a happy ending. I love her pet portraits and had her do one of my old pooch, Smokey. She keeps a blog, too, and reading it is my daily inspiration that attitude is everything. Please check out her two awesome websites: http://www.abeytacreative.com and http://www.rufusandlucy.com and her blog http://www.abeytacreative.com/blog/blogger.html

Then, there's my crazy Israeli friend. Not only is he brilliant, he's got cool ideas, as well as the 'why-the-hell-not-it's-easy' attitude and discipline to pursue them. He the first person I know to invent and submit a patent for a widget he dreamt up. He's also launching his own business website. He let me help him research some of it, which was a nice change from teaching.

Then there's Roger. He's a photographer who runs his own photography business and travels the world for his job-- like he's been to Antarctica and regularly goes on cruises to (insert exotic destination here) for his projects. I got to accompany him to Venice for a week last year for a book he's producing. As I sat sipping my endless cups of free espresso, I watched him work in tandem with writer Joe Wolff, who interviewed locals as Roger captured the essence of Venice in his camera. It was life-altering. It was like touching greatness. People actually make a money doing this and living this lifestyle? Yes! You can check out his beautiful portfolio of work at http://www.rogerpaperno.com

I'll close this post with the complete version of the title quote. It bears out my belief that being unapologetically our own true, best "self" is often inspiration for others to find their calling and be more than they ever imagined. Thank you all, everybody.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of G-d. You playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of G-d that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-- Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech

"Life expands and contracts in proportion to how much courage you have."

Does anybody know to whom I should credit that quote? It's one of my favorites..:-D

My first blog is about FEARLESSNESS and COURAGE. Yiddish translation: CHUTZPAH (well, sorta... chutzpah's more like audacity or having big balls... but maybe I digress...). Anyway, I'm an expert on this only because I confess that I've often found myself digging deep to find some within me.

I've been fearful most of my life. Not cowering-in-a-fetal-position fearful.... more like too-careful-too-dependent-missed-an-opportunity fearful. My big brother can attest to this. Who do you think dragged me up onto towering roller coasters and down into the muddy depths of caves he mapped? Without him, I never would have seen how exhilarating and breath-takingly beautiful these experiences are. (OK, I suspect he got some sick thrill watching the terror play across my face... but that's a big brother's privilege). He was my courageous, risk-taking, fearless personna before I discovered mine.

Fear of the unknown, fear of judgement, fear of failing, fear of rejection, fear of trusting: these are the demons that have held me back from embracing all the possibilities that life has to offer. It kept me from leaving relationships that no longer worked. It stopped me from creating and pursuing my own unique, independent dreams that would make me HAPPY.

So, it was a blessing when my life blew up in my face 5 years ago. Divorce made me re-examine reality as I had understood it for 31 years. The anger and pain made me fearless and able to clearly assess who I had been up to that point. And you know what? The most magical thing happened: I transformed. I found that I was stronger and more capable and more courageous than I ever thought I could be. Thrust into an unanticipated future, I took the responsibility to make my life exactly the way I wanted and dreamed it to be. Yet, the suddeness of this life upheaval also taught me to embrace change. So, although I dreamed and worked toward goals, I also let go of my expectations for the outcome of my efforts and choices. I've learned to enjoy the free-fall into whatever awaits me.

Now, what I consider a fearless and courageous act may seem easy or ordinary for you and vice versa. But acts of fearlessness and courage don't have to entail throwing ourselves on a grenade to save a roomful of children. It is how we define these strengths for ourselves to realize our most simple, complicated, ridiculous or serious dreams. With that in mind, here's a list of fearless and courageous things I've done to make my dreams come true:

1) I started dating for the first time in my life a year and a half ago.
2) I fell in love again. It didn't work out. I'm grateful for the lessons and the resulting friendships.
3) I've let go of judging people and myself.
4) I've become an extrovert. I like to socialize. People are fascinating, amazing creatures.
5) I've explored Judaism and have decided to convert (more on that in May). I've taken Jewish education and Hebrew classes to support this and joined a synogogue.
6) I put my "self" and needs for a balanced, joyful life first. This includes exercise, prayer space, trips to the spa and sometimes eating dessert first :-)
7) I draw and paint-- even if it's crap and nothing ever comes of it.
8) I travel to and explore new places by myself, but I prefer sharing that experience with a friend or lover.
9) I regularly attend interesting events (cocktail parties, dinner parties, book clubs, 5K/10K benefit walks, symphony, theatre, ballet, concerts, art festivals, museums). Sometimes, I stay home and curl up with a good book or journal.
10) I'm writing. Hell, I'm even BLOGGING!!!!
11) I'm questioning my career path. I've explored some other options (website development/publishing).
12) I'll fall in love again :-)
13) I've put down enough roots in one place to consider staying for a while.
14) I've decided that I want to be a mom.
15) I'm investing toward my retirement.

-Here's what I'm working towards-

1) Letting my brother coax me into a ride up in the Cessna he flies in his spare time.
2) Shooting a gun. (A friend is going to oblige me.)
3) Writing articles for submission for publication.
4) Making yoga and walking a regular practice (Becoming a better 'habit-former'?)
5) Doing more volunteer work.

- For consideration-

1) Hang gliding
2) Bungee-jumping
3) Riding/driving a motorcycle and/or race car
4) A hot air balloon ride
5) A helicopter ride
6) Scuba-diving
7) Riding a zip-line through a rainforest
8) Learn photgraphy
9) Live abroad again
10) Become a mom

How about you? What have you done lately to fearlessly and courageously to live your life to the fullest? What are you working towards? What would you consider but just haven't quite gotten there yet?

Inaugural Post

Welcome to my blog spot!

I'm not sure why I've decided to do this... perhaps curiosity, perhaps a tentative foray into writing, perhaps simply a need to share my view of the world... but as with most things that I have decided to do in my life lately, I'm just gonna go with it. I'm delighted you're coming along for this journey, too!

The past 5 years of my 36 year old life have been some of the most transformative. How funny that through great pain I should find my way to my greatest contentment. This search has resonated in all areas of my life: sense of self, family, romantic relationships, friends, spirituality, job, physical and emotional health. In future posts, I will map out my unfolding, ever-evolving journey through this amazing thing called life.

Thanks for visiting and please check back soon!

A photo of me from this summer